


Home is Wherever I'm With You

by lumineres



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Comeplay, Coming Untouched, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Reality TV, Rimming, Roommates, Sex, ill just tag the basics ig, theres going to be so much sex or sexual related things or innuendos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:09:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumineres/pseuds/lumineres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, and Louis Tomlinson are chosen to be on a successful reality TV show in which they must live together for 10 weeks, and nearly everything is filmed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Week One

**Author's Note:**

> the boys are their stereotypes- liam's uptight and sensible, zayn's dark and mysterious and quiet, harry's a goofball, louis' a joker and gets on liam's nerves, and niall literally could not give two fucks he's just happy
> 
> based off that gifset that was floating around tumblr that i cant find, but it was a Big Brother!AU thing, someone took gifs from their Madame Tussauds interviews and changed the text so yeah

 

 

~Louis - Day 1~

 

He'd auditioned for the show, but never expected to get picked. He didn't feel like an extreme- because that was what the show was about- he just felt like Louis. But apparently his personality is going to clash with someone else's in the show which will make for good TV, so he got picked. It's weird, to think that for 10 weeks he's going to live with four total strangers and bicker with some and be friends with some and over two million people will tune in each week for the episode. Honest to god, weirdest thing.

And now, as he's being ushered through a door, bags in hand, his only thought is, _what happens when I need to wank?_

But then he's through the door and into the House.

Louis looks around at his new flatmates for the next ten weeks. They're all standing in a haphazard circle thing in the living area with their bags in hand. There's one boy to his left, he's doing some sort of jig and looking a lot happier than the rest of them, he kind of looks like a golden retriever- waiting for the right time to jump and lick their faces and pronounce each one of them “FRIEND!” His hair is blonde and quiffed up with dark roots, and his eyes are a medium blue, cerulean, showing as much excitement as the rest of him.

The one a couple feet away from the blonde one is dark, and his tank top shows off his nearly full sleeve of tats beautifully. If there was ever a more beautiful man on this planet, Louis'd be damned. He's honestly considering the first thing he says to be something about marble cheekbones or Michelangelo. His dark eyes are framed by dark lashes and olive skin and dark, tall hair. Dark dark _dark_. Louis spots the pack of cigs in his pocket and silently thanks his lucky stars, because he managed to forget his. Not that he couldn't buy some, but the first few days of this are probably going to be stressful.

The boy next to Darky McDarkpants is also looking at Darky but with a wrinkled nose. His gaze is trained on the tattoos and flicks to the cigarettes and then at the dark scruff on his jaw and the seemingly permanent scowl on his face. This guy looks like he means business, and Louis' rather excited to mess with him, unless you really shouldn't judge a book by it's cover and he's not sensible and immaculate, like his appearance suggests. His hair is short and brown and slicked back, but not in the gross way, and his eyes are a trusting, deep brown. His jeans hang low and his t shirt is tight fitted to him, to show off his physique he probably obsesses over and he has a snapback on, but something about it seems forced, like he wanted to look cool for his first impression on the first day.

When Louis turns his gaze to the boy next to him (a little closer than everyone else) he's looking at him too. But he looks away as Louis turns to him, so Louis studies his profile. He seems like the opposite of Darky McDarkpants and Louis himself, who're all hard edges and jawlines, but this boy is round and soft- and Louis just wants to describe him as baby pink, thought his skin is milky and baby pink skin would be absolutely terrifying. He looks, at a low level, frightened, and it doesn't seem right for his face, which Louis thinks looks like it was built to smile. Kind of a baby face, but stretched taught over high cheekbones and pretty-prominent-but-not-really jawline and a straight nose. His hands are shaking like a kid's, and it's then that Louis notices he's only got a rucksack for belongings. He's got a fluff of curls growing from his head, thick and pillowy.

So, basically, for the next ten weeks he's stuck with a dog, a supermodel or vampire or a combination of them, a wannabe hulk, and a mop with a face.

This could be interesting.

They're all looking around, analyzing one another, and the cameras pan around them.

He decides to be the first to speak, even though the blonde one looks like he's about to burst with it, “Hey, mate,” he says, nodding at Darky McDarkpants, “I've got a light and there's a balcony.”

A fleeting look of relief flashes across Darky's stony face before being replaced with his usual model look.

“Sure.”

And that's the first conversation in the Lads Living House.

 

Cool Nerd comes to the balcony about a half an hour later, after Louis and Darky McDarkpants (Zayn, Louis has come to learn) have long since stepped on the butts of their cigarettes.

“Um, hi guys, I'm Liam by the way,” Louis thinks the name suits him, “but they're saying we should cook dinner and like get to know each other.”

“Alright.” Louis says and stands up, “M'Louis.”

“Nice to meet you, Louis.” Liam says and holds out his hand to shake. Looks like Louis was right, exterior does not match interior.

“Zayn.” Zayn nearly grunts. Liam looks the tattooed boy up and down before muttering some halfhearted greeting similar to the one he gave Louis, before turning and walking back into the House.

Louis follows him after looking back at Zayn and shrugging. Harry and Niall are sitting on the couch, talking animatedly about something or other, but stop when Louis and Zayn walk in.

“Hey, sorry about that, this is stressful and stuff.” Louis says, plopping down in an easy chair.

“That's alright, I'm Niall.” The blonde one says with an Irish accent.

“I'm Harry.” The curly one says, and Louis barks out a laugh.

“What?” Harry asks, cocking his head and looking confused.

“Harry... Hairy-” Louis says, gesturing around his head with poofing motions, “it just suits you.”

Harry chuckles a bit then.

“And I'm Louis, this is-” He says, turning to gesture to Zayn, but he's just upped and went. “-was Zayn.” He finishes.

He wonders when a good time is to start being loud.

Now seems good.

“Oye! Who's cooking and what is it?” Louis asks loudly throughout the house, voice probably reaching wherever Zayn went off to and Liam who's probably in the kitchen. His head pokes out from the wall, and Louis was right.

“Well since you asked why don't you cook?” Liam says.

“Trust me, mate, you don't want me to cook.”

“I like to cook.” Harry pipes up from behind them, softly and timidly, they ignore him.

“I'm not cooking. You said it, you are.” Liam is adamant, and he crosses his arms.

“Fine, but trust me, it's going to be shit.” Louis assures him, rolling his eyes and stomping off into the kitchen. Louis usually doesn't let up, but Liam will be upset whether he cooks or not, so either works, really.

 

~Liam – Day 2~

 

Liam sits down at the small, medium colored table in the red painted room. He looks at the questions that have been left for him and scoffs:

_Niall?_

_Zayn?_

_Harry?_

_Louis?_

 

He looks up at the camera and presses the record button inserted into the table, he's been told to just jump right into it, so here he goes.

“Niall's literally so nice, he's gonna be the one guy this season with no conflicts. He's so go with the flow, and he and Harry get on real well, I woke up this morning and they'd fallen asleep on the couch together. He's so _Irish_ too, if they don't air the fit he had when he couldn't find any beer anywhere I'll be surprised. Zayn comforted him and told him he planned to go shopping tomorrow, so he's alright now. It was quite funny. Yeah, Niall's just great really, nice lad, Nialler. 

“And then Zayn- Zayn's like- honestly I don't even have an opinion on Zayn yet because he won't even talk to me? He talks to Niall and Harry a bit, mostly Louis when they go to smoke. They just disappear like six times a day. It's not really hard to find them, thought, because of Louis. But yeah, no opinion on Zayn yet- quiet, dark, unfairly attractive.” That last part hadn't meant to come out, and he knows it will be aired. There were two gay guys like five seasons ago and that was the most successful season yet. Liam's not gay though, not in the slightest. But like he envies Zayn, no one should be that sculpted and pretty.

“Harry is so sweet, honest to god. He's the youngest of all of us so I kinda already feel like an older brother to him. He's a bit homesick, I think, he was a bit down at dinner- then again everyone was but just hold that thought- but like more so than everyone else. I think that's why he and Niall slept on the couch. Niall's a nice guy, he would've done that just because it might have made Harry feel better. He seems really quiet but I have a feeling he'll open up soon, once he gets used to it all. He makes really awful jokes, though. Told us about four knock knock jokes yesterday and Louis outright told him they were shit. Harry just laughed though, he's weird like that. But yeah he's really sweet and I don't see him having problems with anyone. Maybe Louis, but Louis _is_ a problem.

“Like, yesterday, right? First night here first dinner we're all supposed to be nice to each other, and he's just sitting on his arse in the living room basically demanding food. Like, no, you get up off your lazy butt and cook if you're hungry. So I made him, and maybe I should've taken his warning that I'd regret it more seriously, because within ten minutes something was on fire. But literally, he's the oldest, a 22 year old man should be able to make pasta _without forgetting the water_. He literally set a half a box of spaghetti on fire in the pot because he forgot fucking water. What kind of idiot-? Anyway, yeah, so Louis and I aren't getting on real well. He's kind of just- he's Louis, I guess.”

He was told just to talk in he briefing before the show started, and they'd take clips of what they liked and put it into that week's episode. Every second day of the week, so Monday, they have these little reflections on each of the guys. Sundays are hang out days, Tuesdays are outings, Wednesdays are hang out days, Thursdays are co-ed days (the girls from Ladies' Living come over), Fridays are free red room days, and Saturdays are hang out days.

So, first Monday red room. Check.

Liam stops recording and then stands up, walking out of the room, where Zayn stands, awaiting his turn. Like usual, he's silent, but just as he's about to close the door he thinks he hears him chuckle,

“Unfairly attractive.”

Liam's heart stutters at that, he hates being over heard talking shit or saying things he shouldn't. That goes under the category of things he shouldn't. Things he can't. He laughs a little to himself at the pun referring to Harry's tattoo.

See, Harry's tattoos are goofy and so _Harry_ , or from what Liam's been able to tell of Harry anyway. Zayn's are so tattoo-ey. The perfectly calculated strokes of black ink with just the right amount of color. Bad-ass to the point Liam's pretty sure he got them just because they looked cool. At least Harry's have some meaning, which he mumbled through. Some of them he just likes, he says. When Niall asked about Zayn's tattoos, thought, Zayn just shrugged and muttered something about comic books and his family. 

Louis'd then piped up, because damn if a conversation doesn't revolve around him, and shown off his (stupid) tattoos. They were kind of goofy like Harry's, but seriously, he got 'oops' tattooed permanently into his skin above a tattoo he didn't quite like. Honest to god that was the stupidest thing Liam's ever heard.

Liam wonders if he's going to be able to survive these ten weeks with Louis.

Probably not.

 

~Niall – Day 3~

 

Niall's exceptionally confused and exceptionally happy about it. He literally does not know who is his best friend- _they're all his best friends_. This is absolutely fantastic, so great. Niall is so happy. 

He honestly doesn't get why Liam and Louis and Liam and Zayn can't seem to get along, and why Louis won't really talk to Harry, like he's not noticed him at all. Harry's told Niall he really wants to be Louis' friend, but Louis' so outgoing and so loud Harry just doesn't know what to do. He says normally he's pretty loud and confident too, but he guesses he's still nervous about all of this.

But honestly, Niall couldn't be happier. The bed is like a fucking cloud, Harry cooked lunch today and it was the best thing Niall's tasted all day, and maybe even yesterday, and tonight they're going to a _club_. He's going to get drunk and maybe bring a girl home. He's fucking pumped, is what he is.

“Are you ready, lads!” He yells, bounding ahead of them and turning around to face them, arms spread wide. Harry smiles at him, the corner of Zayn's mouth quirks up, Louis cheers and punches his fist into the air, and Liam just shakes his head fondly.

The cameras move around them like vultures, but Niall thinks of them as friendly vultures, vultures who are giving him a load of money for this show. Harry seems a bit shy in front of them still, the rest have gotten used to it. Maybe getting drunk will loosen Harry up. It's coming, Niall can feel it.

The finally reach the club and Niall jumps up and clicks his heels together before bounding to the door. He hears laughter behind him and turns around with a grin, wrenching the door open and letting the lads go in first.

 

“Harry, mate you alright?” Niall shouts over the noise- whether it's real or from the alcohol buzzing in his body.

“Peachy! Perfect! Perfect! Pretty!” Harry giggles, some drink sloshing out of his cup and onto his shirt, he doesn't seem to notice.

“Is your friend okay?” The girl Niall'd been talking to, Barbara, says lowly in his ear.

“Yeah, he'll be fine, I should probably take him home though.” Niall says, eying the way Harry is swaying.

“Yeah, probably.” She says, and something in her tone changes.

“Well, you could, uh, you could come with me? We have like separate rooms and stuff, obviously. So we'd be, like, alone.” Niall suggests, babbling a little, scratching the back of his neck in a nervous habit. He's supposed to be suave, but, like, this girl? She's- she's wow.

“Yeah! Yeah sure.” She smiles. Niall grins and then turns to Harry, “Hey, Hazza, we're gonna take you back to the house, alright?”

“Okeydokey artichokey.” He says, still swaying.

“Does he always turn into a child when he's drunk?” Barbara asks, going on the other side of Harry to help Niall walk him to the door.

“Dunno, I've only known him like three days.” Niall says, maneuvering around a group of people.

“And you live together?” Barbara cocks a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

“Oh! Oh yeah, I suppose I should have said something, it's kind of new,” Niall laughs at himself, “We're on the upcoming season of Lads Living, it's the third day.”

Barbara looks taken aback.

“If you're not cool with that I completely understand.” Niall assures her, keeping a hold on Harry's arm because he's trying to get away. She gives him a once over and grins, “I'm fine with it, s'not like they're going to film us, you know.”

Niall inwardly screams like a little girl, but instead grins.

“Hey! Hey Niall!” Niall hears a voice behind him and turns around. Louis' pushing through the crowd, “You leavin'?” He slurs. He doesn't seem to be smashed, just a little more than tipsy.

“Yeah, Harry seems to be a bit off his rocker at the moment so Barbara and I are helping him home.” Niall says. Louis directs his attention to Barbara, and his eyes run up and down her body, and maybe he's drunker than Niall thought because he goes, “Well, _hello_ , Barbara.”

“Louis!” Niall chides, but Barbara just laughs, “I'm used to it, it's okay, I'm a Victoria's Secret model, getting ogled at is my job, really.”

Niall has to fight his jaw from dropping open.

_Victoria's Secret model?_

_Victoria's Secret model!?_

_VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL?!_

“Oh is that fun?” Is what he says instead of screaming.

“It's alright.” She shrugs, smiling.

They chat a bit and Louis is louder than usual which Niall wasn't really sure was possible. He's effectively steering Harry by the small of the back in the right direction, so Niall can put all his attention to holding conversation with Barbara.

They finally reach the car with the driver (there's two in case they left separately, which they did) and Niall and Barbara sit together in the middle row while Louis and Harry slide into the back.

“Get him to lie down, will you? Don't want him getting sick in the car.” The driver says, and Louis reaches out to Harry and pulls him down, so his head is in his lap. Harry is babbling about something or other, they all stopped listening a little while ago, and he continues as Louis absentmindedly strokes his curls. Niall can hear Harry turning over and his babbling suddenly quiets. He must be asleep.

Niall and Barbara are awkwardly silent. Usually at this point he's kissing the girl, if he's not driving. But- he looks back to see Louis with his head back and eyes closed, so...

He starts to lean in but then he hears Louis make a noise- a kind of keening and he turns around. It's only then that Niall realizes Harry's gone silent because Louis' dick is in his mouth.

 

~Harry - Day 4~

 

Harry remembers last night all too well, but Louis doesn't seem to, which is weird because, judging by the quantity of vomit that has pushed its way up Harry's esophagus, Harry was drunker. Niall still hasn't emerged from his room, and neither has Barbara, and he can't believe no one stopped him. He just fucking took out Louis' cock and stuffed it in his mouth, what the hell?

And, yeah, Louis' fucking gorgeous- prettiest boy on the planet (including Zayn). And Harry really wanted to befriend him and if maybe the stars aligned correctly or some shit, Louis would take an interest in him too. But sucking his dick in a half-conscious state was not in his plans, not yet, anyway.

But, like, there he is, just sitting there and eating one Cheerio at a time because his stomach is upset and chatting idly with Harry. Like nothing happened, like Harry didn't probably throw up some of his precome this morning. Which is disgusting.

Niall must have stopped them somehow, because Harry's pretty sure he would have remembered Louis coming down his throat and it would probably have been loud, knowing Louis. He's just waiting for Niall to come out and say something, his stomach is rolling with it. And he knows there's no way in hell that won't be in Sunday's premiere of the season- gay guys get their best viewings.

As this inner monologue rolls through Harry's mind again and again, the door to Niall's room opens.

Out steps Barbara, whom Harry doesn't remember much of except striking eyes, holding her heels in one hand and her phone in the other. Her hair is completely snarled up and her make up has all but gone- but hell, if anyone could turn him straight, it would be her.

“Text me!” She calls back as Niall emerges from his room after her.

“I will.” He replies. He's only in his boxers but they're going to be living together for ten weeks, so this is just like christening it, or something. They hear the door close and the sounds of the cameras whirring, but they've already gotten used to that. Harry's still a little weird about it, but there's really nothing he can do. His family needs the money he's getting for this show. But now they're going to see him give Louis a drunken blow job. Dear lord. He's so grounded when he gets home, even if he is nineteen.

Niall turns then and puts his arms up, fists clenched, and with a huge grin he shouts, “THINGS LIKE THIS DON'T HAPPEN TO PEOPLE FROM MULLINGAR!”

“Niall, she is a woman, don't call her a thing.” Harry chides, only half joking, and Niall laughs, but also gives Harry a knowing look. He slides into a seat at the counter on the other side of Louis.

“So, Lou, how was your night last night?” Niall asks with a cheeky tone in his voice.

“To be honest, mate, I don't remember much. I don't even remember coming home.” Louis answers, munching on another Cheerio.

“Well, you came home, alright.” Niall says, with a slight emphasis on 'came' but Louis just gives him a weird look.

They hear footsteps then, and Liam and Zayn both emerge from their opposite hallways. Liam's already dressed in a button down and jeans, whereas Zayn is just in some sweat pants and nothing else, all his tattoos on display.

“Mornin'.” He mumbles, plopping down into the chair next to Harry, leaving Liam with the only option of sitting next to him, which he doesn't look too happy about. Harry doesn't get it. Zayn's nice, really nice, why does Liam dislike him so much? He can understand Louis, though, Louis has got quite the personality, he and Liam just clash. But Harry suspects that with time they'll calm down, maybe even become friends.

“How was your night, Niall?” Harry teases. Niall grins back at him, “Eventful,” he says. They all chuckle a little.

“I can vouch for that. This place isn't very sound proof.” Zayn grumbles, and Louis laughs high and loud (which makes Harry wince because of his head) but it's a lovely sound, he thinks.

“Jesus, Louis, could you not scream?” Liam says, rubbing his head with his fingers. Louis turns to him and starts shouting, “OH I'M SORRY LIAM I'LL TRY TO QUIET DOWN, IS THIS HURTING YOUR HEAD?” Everyone winces except for Niall, who seems to have a talent when it comes to all things alcohol. Harry's sitting next to Louis and gets the brunt of the volume and Louis notices his wince.

“Oh, I'm sorry Curly, I should've realized.” He says, and gently brushes his hand over Harry's hair. Liam looks incredulous but Harry just blushes. _Curly_ , yeah, he likes that.

The nickname continues throughout the day, whenever Louis talks to him he uses it and Harry absolutely _adores_ it. They become closer, as Harry's finally finding it in himself to show his personality and stop hiding.

“I could really use a nap.” He yawns around three o'clock, sitting on the large, comfy couch in the living area. Louis nods sleepily in agreement.

“I'll go get us a blanket.” He says, standing up slowly and tottering off to his room. He comes back out a minute later, dragging his large puffy blue comforter behind him.

“When you said blanket this was not what I was expecting.” Harry laughs, dimples popping into his cheeks.

“Well, you know Curly, it's go big or be cold.” Louis says.

“I really don't think that's the saying.” Harry argues and Louis just shrugs, plopping down onto the couch where he'd been sitting before. He starts attempting to situate the covers, but even when Harry tries to help it proves to be a challenge.

“Zayn! Cover us.” Louis demands, and when Zayn rolls his eyes Louis sticks out his bottom lip in a pout and bats his eyelashes. Zayn sighs but makes his way over, taking the blanket from them. Louis smiles and then lies down with his face away from Harry, knees tucked into his belly. Harry does the same, but stretches out his legs until he has to struggle to keep his toes from going under Louis' torso.

Zayn tucks to blanket over and around them, and the warmth of it is a nice contrast to the cool leather, and the decorative pillow is surprisingly soft.

“Goodnight, losers.” Zayn says in the most fond way possible, and Harry thinks that maybe these ten weeks won't be so bad after all.

 

~Zayn – Day 5~

 

Thursdays are co-ed days, meaning the girls from the spin off Ladies' Living (also lame) come over around eight and sometimes don't leave til the wee hours of the morning. Zayn's excited for some girls, not that he'll really do anything with them the first time they meet or maybe ever, because he hasn't been with girls in a while, actually. But girls are fun to talk to.

They hear the doorbell, which is mostly for show.

“Got it.” Zayn says, and as he gets closer to the door he can hear giggling coming from the other side. It subsides when he opens the door. In front of the five girls is one with short blonde hair and wide blue eyes. She looks up at him and her smile grows wider. Maybe he could go for girls again. Maybe.

“Hi! I'm Perrie.” She says, and flicks her hair off her shoulder, batting her long black eyelashes.

“Pez, we're not even in the house yet, could you wait to flirt?” One of the girls next to her says. She has long dyed red-brown hair down to her waist, she's tall and she radiates confidence.

“Jesy! Shut up!” Perrie squeals. Zayn just smiles and steps aside, letting them in.

“You're in the house now, flirt however much you want.” He grins and ignores the sound of the camera over his shoulder, and Perrie smiles back at him. He looks up for a minute and sees Liam scowling at him. What's his problem?

“Hi girls, I'm Liam.” Liam introduces himself, “The living room's this way.” Zayn walks behind the girls as they walk down the hallway and notices there's one kind of closed off from the others. She has long blonde hair and she looks rather familiar. She rolls her eyes when Perrie and another girl with big hair giggle.

The boys' positions in the living room really represent them well. Niall's moving some more seats into the living room, but he's doing a weird dance with it, kicking out his leg like he's in a conga line. Zayn wonders what goes on in that boy's head. Harry is carrying like six drinks in one hand into the living room and moving one of the chairs Niall placed. Louis is sprawled on the couch watching them work. It's pretty funny, Zayn thinks anyway.

“Harry?” The pissed off looking girl gasps. Harry looks up.

“Gemma?!” He looks surprised and confused, “You didn't tell me you were going on Ladies' Living!”

“Well you didn't tell me you were going on this!”

“Curly, who's this, your girlfriend?” Louis asks, looking between them. Both of them immediately start spluttering and fake gagging.

“No oh my god disgusting, this is my sister.” Harry says. And a beat later Zayn watches Harry's eyes widen and he looks between Louis and Gemma frantically, but no one seems to notice but him. Niall told Zayn what happened and how Louis doesn't seem to remember, and he guesses that's what Harry's thinking about.

“Besides, Harry's-” Gemma splutters when Harry elbows her in the stomach, “-dumb. Hasn't even graduated uni yet. I'd never go for a dumb guy.” She covers up. The others seem satisfied, but Zayn's pretty observant. He wonders if Harry's gay or bi or anything else. Zayn considers himself bisexual, leaning towards boys as of late.

“We should probably introduce ourselves.” Liam says then, “I already told you ladies that I'm Liam, that's Harry if you didn't pick that up,” Liam continues, gesturing to Harry, he moves his hand to Louis, “This is-”

“Thank you Liam, I'm a big boy, I can introduce myself.” Louis cuts him off, “I'm Louis.”

“Zayn.” Zayn speaks up, quietly but it doesn't go unnoticed. Perrie smiles at him, and he quirks up one corner of his mouth back.

“I'm Niall! Nice to meet all of ya.” Niall says, and Zayn thinks he may be upping the Irish accent. His gaze lingers on Gemma, and Zayn fights the urge to roll his eyes. He has a girl like Barbara interested in him, and he's looking twice at Gemma? Not that she isn't gorgeous, but one, she's Harry's sister, and if Niall thinks Harry would ever be okay with that he's insane. And if he thinks _Gemma_ would ever be okay with that he's _really_ insane. Gemma's a girl with standards. Zayn knows, he's a people reader. Niall probably doesn't meet those standards.

“I'm Jade,” One girl takes the initiative, and Zayn can see Liam's eyes raking her in, and a strange pang of some feeling goes through him. She has long brown hair, ombre'd, and wide, trusting hazel eyes. She has a thick accent, like Perrie and Zayn himself.

“Nice to meet you boys, I'm Leigh-Anne.” The girl with the big hair says next as she sits down on the couch next to, but not really close to, Louis.

“Perrie.” Perrie says and smiles wide, turning to look at Zayn again where he's leaning against the wall.

“I'm Jesy, nice to meet everyone.” Jesy says, sinking into one of the chairs Niall haphazardly placed.

“Gemma.” Gemma says resignedly and a small sigh follows.

“So do y'all have any alcohol? Or just water?” Jesy asks after taking a sip of water and looking disappointed.

“We actually haven't gone grocery shopping yet. Just been living off the stuff they gave us.” Harry explains.

“So no alcohol?” Leigh-Anne prompts.

Liam shakes his head sadly.

“It's really a travesty.” Niall says.

“Nice word.” Harry compliments him.

It's a bit awkward, kind of quiet. Harry sits between Louis and Gemma on the couch and every so often he looks terrified, looking from Louis' crotch to Gemma. Zayn thinks it's kind of hilarious, and this is why he's quiet most of the time, because he gets to watch and observe. He could be loud and showcase his full personality, but really, silently making fun of the boys is so much more entertaining.

They end up going through the On Demand movies and watching some action comedy thing that no one but Harry and Niall really laugh at, but they're not hard to please. The noise of the cameras is subdued, like they're in sleep mode (Zayn doesn't know much about cameras, can they go into sleep mode?) because not much is happening and the camera controllers seem to recognize that.

Zayn finds himself, halfway through the movie, watching Liam and Jade whispering over it and how Liam has to put his hand over his mouth to quiet his laugh. He really wants to be friends with Liam, but he seems to dislike him so much already. Zayn doesn't want to finally get the balls to talk to him and say something stupid and make Liam dislike him even more. He wants Liam to like him.

This was not what he was expecting when he auditioned for this show.

 

~Louis – Day 6~

 

Louis presses the record button installed into the table as he sits down in the red room. Fridays are free red room discussions, there are no preset questions, just talk about anything. Louis is good at talking, so he launches in.

“So last time I was in here, Monday- wow was it really only Monday? Seems like forever- I was kind of disliking Liam and Zayn and I were friends and Niall was just everyone's friend. Well I'm still not Liam's biggest fan and he's not mine. Zayn and I are still friends and smoking buddies, but I've been smoking a little less because I'm not as stressed out anymore. Niall's still great. But Harry and I are getting closer, he's really opening up. He's not as shy anymore, loud, shows off his personality. We work well together and I think we'll be really good friends soon. We've already started finishing each other's sentences, which me and my best mate Stan from home do. Shout out to Stan!

“Anyway, but Niall and Barbara, like, that was- wow good for Niall. But like last night when the girls came over, he wouldn't stop looking and talking to Gemma? Like it was obvious he was interested in her, and Harry was a little pissed off about it, which was cute. Like funny-cute. Gemma wouldn't have anything to do with him, which was hilarious honestly.

“And I'd like to address the _fantastic_ water pressure in this place. It's amazing. Like, wow. It's a fucking built in massage. I only really have to shower every other day, my hair doesn't get greasy quickly, but I've been showering every day for a free bonus back massage. It's great, yeah.

“I'm a little worried about the episode airing Sunday. Like, I don't think anything's happened I should be too scared about my family watching? Like my little sisters Daisy and Phoebe aren't allowed to because of the swearing and stuff, but my oldest sisters are gonna watch, like I don't know, I can't think of anything I don't want my sisters to see? Maybe me being drunk but like, I don't know, I'm a bit worried though. I told Harry and he looked concerned too.

“I'm just waiting for things to get more interesting, now. Like there's little spats, mostly between me and Liam, tension between Liam and Zayn, but like, I don't think this is going to get much viewings? Unless something happened I don't know about. Anyway, that's it, I guess. This was Commander Tomlinson- signing off.” Louis salutes the camera and presses the button.

He opens the heavy wooden door and sees Harry waiting there, looking paler than usual.

“Hey don't be nervous, you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to.” Louis assures him. Harry doesn't say anything, just walks into the red room. Louis sees him press the record button and hang his head in his hands before the door closes. He briefly wonders what that's about, but then smells something delicious smelling wafting from the kitchen and wanders off.

 

~Liam – Day 7~

 

Liam wakes up on Saturday with crust in his eyes. He blinks open his eyes blearily, and this is the first morning he's not confused as to where he is. It's only been a week and he's started thinking of this place as home. But that's how it works, and he's going to have to get used to it. There's nine weeks left.

He sits up and stretches, the cool air hitting his bare torso. Everyone started walking around in their boxers the night before, done with walking on eggshells. This place is theirs, they can choose the level of clothing they want. Niall pointed out it's just like uni, but without the lectures. Harry promptly stood up and stripped off, only leaving his black briefs on. Everyone laughed and for a moment it was like they were all friends.

Then Louis started talking and Liam remembered that they're not.

He's not sure what it is about Louis he just doesn't like, because there are these moments where he's not so bad and Liam could see being friends with him. Maybe they're just so different- Louis' all jokes and pranks (“I haven't played a good prank on any of you lot yet. Curly, remind me to do that”) and Liam kind of just wants to survive these next few weeks.

Liam sighs, scratching his hip as she shuffles down the hallway to one of two bathrooms. He opens the door, and in hindsight, he really should have realized that a closed door means someone was in there, but it was morning and his brain couldn't be bothered with logic.

Someone taking a piss he could have handled. Someone sitting down on the toilet, he could have handled. Someone in the shower (it's one of those glass ones so you can see through) he could have handled.

Zayn leaning against the wall, stark naked, back arched, head thrown back, lips and legs parted, and flushed cock spilling come all over his own fist? Not something Liam can handle.

“Sorry!” Liam squeaks, probably the most unmanly voice he's ever used, and closes the door so quickly it slams.

“Shit, fuck. Liam I'm sorry!” He hears Zayn call from behind the door, but he's already rushed out to the living room. Harry and Louis are sat on the couch playing FIFA, but Louis pauses it.

“What happened?” Harry asks.

“I just saw Zayn wanking.” Liam says, voice let out in a rush. Louis bursts into laughter and Harry giggles alongside him.

“It was bound to happen eventually.” Louis says at the same time Harry tells him, “It was inevitable.” They look at each other and their eyes widen with their smiles, “Jinx you owe me soda!” They say it at the time time.

Children, they're fucking _children_ , Liam thinks. He misses when Harry and Louis didn't really talk. It was a whole lot quieter.

Liam hears footsteps then and turns around. Zayn's fully clothed now, but his lips are plump and pink like he'd been biting them and his steps are a little wobbly and his breathing is still uneven.

“Liam, I'm sorry.” Zayn says, his voice clearer than Liam's ever heard it, there's no bad boy, mysterious facade in front of it.

“It's alright. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?” Liam says, chuckling awkwardly. He tries to keep his eyes from Zayn's crotch. _He has a very pretty cock._ Some distant part of Liam's brain whispers, but Liam slaps it down. Dicks aren't pretty.

“Could I just talk to you for a minute? Like, without Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?” Zayn asks, referring to Louis and Harry who won't stop giggling behind Liam.

“Oh, I see how it is.” Louis huffs and stands up, “C'mon Curly, we're not wanted.” Louis stalks down the opposite hallway, and Harry follows loyally. Liam wonders what's gonna happen when Louis finds out about The Blowjob Surprise, as Niall called it once a few days ago. Weird how they actually only met a few days ago, it kind of feels like a miniature life time.

“I'm really sorry Liam. I should have locked the door- or honestly I shouldn't have been doing that at all, really-” Liam remembers how Zayn's fingers looked wrapped around his cock, “-and I know you don't like me so like this probably didn't help that at all. And I really don't want you not to like me,” Liam's mind flicks to how flushed his cheeks were and how his eyelashes fluttered against his cheekbones. He wonders if it was a good orgasm, one of the mind blowing ones. “-like I wanna be friends, just, yeah, I'm really sorry.” Liam wonders what those eyelashes would look like with come in them, what those cheekbones would look like if they were dripping.

“I think I want to have sex with you.” Is what Liam almost says.

“That's alright, mate.” Is what he manages to choke out.

“So can we be friends?” Zayn asks, holding out his hand. Liam looks at it, his thoughts a little dazed and pants a little tight. “Right, sorry. I mean I washed it but-” Zayn laughs nervously and holds out his left hand instead. Liam finds it in himself to laugh and shake his hand, “Friends.” He agrees.

“Cool. Want some breakfast? I'm gonna make some toast.” He offers, but Liam shakes his head.

“No thanks, need the toilet and I'm gonna shower.” He answers. Zayn shrugs and walks off to the kitchen.

And if he wasn't otherwise occupied, Liam would probably laugh at the irony when he's in the shower with his hand around his cock.

But he's totally thinking of Jade. She was quite fit. And besides, Liam hasn't had a proper wank in like seven days, anything was bound to turn him on. So it's completely normal that he got a boner thinking about Zayn touching himself, right?

Right.

Definitely.

(Maybe.)


	2. Week Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LONG LAST, I'M UPDATING!!!
> 
> I'm sorry this has taken so long!! ahhhhh I'm so excited for you to read it I hope you like it and I hope it's not shit
> 
> I can't believe the first chapter alone got 1k+ hits and 15 comments and 15 bookmarks and 62 kudos and 29 subscribers like WOW i really can't thank you enough.
> 
> and sadly, neither of my betas (larrydidathing.tumblr.com and edwarlds.tumblr.com (someone really must tell me how to get links in here)) were online when I finished this so it's unbetaed and all mistakes are mine!!!
> 
> disclaimer: i do not own the real Harry Styles Niall Horan Louis Tomlinson Zayn Malik or Liam Payne, as much as i'd like to i do not, i know nothing and this is all a figment of my imagination
> 
> i love you!!! enjoy this chapter for me!!

 

Week 2

 

~Harry – Day 8~

 

“Lads! Our debut is today!” Louis announces, skipping up and down the hallway. Harry groans, pressing his face into his deep red pillows. His arms are splayed out on either side of him, and if he stayed there long enough he could suffocate. He contemplates it. Decides against it. He rolls over, face up now, but arms still outstretched. His blankets have ridden down to just above his manly bits, but the cool air feels nice on his stress-dampened skin. He could barely sleep, his stomach had been rolling all night. He's coming out today. Well, he's come out plenty of times, but like what if the boys don't like him? What if Louis doesn't like him, only to discover Harry's sucked his dick?

Harry hears the sound of Louis skipping down the hallway stop outside his door, and the door opens before he can pull up the blankets.

“Goooooooood morning, Curly!” Louis sing songs, but the 'Curly' gets caught in his throat and Harry watches Louis' eyes widen slightly as they trail down Harry's torso, to where his happy trail just begins to be a bit more than a happy trail. Harry realizes how he must look, spread out like he's offering himself. (Which, maybe he is?)

“Right then, I'll let you get some clothes on before I make you skip down the hallway with me.” Louis says, “Don't want your bits flopping everywhere, jostling business, skipping is.” He gently closes the door. Gentleness, for Louis, is weird, Harry has come to know. Odd how in just seven days, going on eight, they know each other so well. Louis has four sisters and two more on the way, Zayn's Muslim and can either read or speak (Harry can't remember) Arabic, Liam was born with one kidney not working but just recently it started up again, and Niall has a thing for Lady Antebellum. Just little tidbits they've learned, among others, that make up their people-puzzles. Harry finds people quite amazing, with all their facets and faces and fascinations and facades.

Harry groans and sits up, scrubbing a hand down his face. This is going to be quite the day. A make it or break it moment, really. He's going to shower, to relax. His mind flicks to why it is he has to relax and his stomach twists in a sudden nervous knot, before loosening slightly.

He throws his blankets off and flexes and points his feet, to work the tension out of his calves. His legs are shaky when he stands, he's been asleep for a while, avoiding everything and anything to do with what has to be done today.

He pulls on last night's boxers, just because he's going to throw them in the hamper Liam set up in the bathroom their first day. It's probably full at this point. Someone should probably do laundry. Grabbing his towel where he's set it up by his door, he walks out into the hallway, where Louis is still making rounds, but now beating a pan with a spoon.

“Morning Louis!” Harry says cheerily, scratching his thigh and maybe tightening his abs. Maybe. (Definitely.) Louis' step falters a bit, but picks right up, “Good morning again, showering, are you?”

Harry nods. “Well off to it then! I've decided I want to learn how to cook and you're teaching me. Busy day today!” Louis says, and then continues tramping down the hallway and banging the pan with the spoon. For someone who told them he wasn't a morning person, he seems to be quite the morning person. Maybe it's a fluke, because the other mornings were not as pleasant. If 'pleasant' is the correct term for this.

Harry shakes his head at this boy who has quickly become the person taking up most of his thoughts. It's not hard to understand, really. Not only is he immensely aesthetically pleasing, no, more than that- he's god damn beautiful- but his personality is just so unique and wonderful. He's like the sun, everyone's gravitated toward him and orbits him, _worships_ him practically. Niall's told Harry he's never laughed this much in his life, and he's even brought Zayn out of his shell. Zayn's actually really funny and weird and quite loud. Liam's just- Liam's Pluto. Orbit's a bit off, he's a bit cold and distant. But, if Harry were Liam, he'd probably be cold and distant too. What after seeing Zayn jerking off, it'd be a bit mortifying. And Louis just overwhelms Liam, Harry thinks. They could really be great friends though, if they just let each other in.

But showers are not for thinking of your new found friends, not when there's still traces of last night's dream in Harry's mind.

He makes it short and sweet, bracing himself against the wall and tugging himself off at a steady pace, hand slick with conditioner ('voluminous curls'; girls' hair products are _so_ much better.) When he comes, he bites into his arm, vision blurring and his throat releasing a choked groan. And maybe it sounded a bit like “Louis”, maybe it didn't.

The dick wants what the dick wants.

Once his hair is washed and conditioned and he's used Zayn's fancy smelling body wash, Harry steps from the shower and towels off his hair. He ties the towel around his waist and stands in front of the steamed up mirror. Wiping a hand down it gets the fog enough so that Harry can examine his body.

Going to the gym the last few months has paid off, if Harry does say so himself. He's got nice, sharp lines that point downward, beginning at his hipbones and disappearing into the towel. He's quite proud of them, hears girls quite like them, assumes boys are the same. Harry doesn't really have a preference; people are people. He likes who he likes. It is what it is. (Louis' tattoo is so fucking _hot_ , Harry honestly can't get it out of his brain.) He trails his fingers over the dips and valleys and curves of his stomach, proud of how not-too-defined-and-douchey-looking his abs are.

He turns to his right and pouts. If only he knew how Louis got his ass.

 

His first attempt at coming out to the boys doesn't go well- because it's just that, an attempt. He'd pulled out the Monopoly board game he brought from home, and really he should have realized how wrong that was. Fifteen minutes have passed since, and Harry's pretty sure Louis' going to shove the car piece up Liam's ass.

He wanted to just have them all together, playing a nice game, and then maybe after a few turns he'd tell them he wanted to say something.

But no. Liam's the banker, and Louis insists that if you land directly on 'go' you get 400 dollars, instead of 200. They're literally shouting at each other, and hey, maybe this is good? Maybe the tension is coming to a head, like this is the apex, and then after it'll all dwindle into happy friendship and a story they can tell at parties.

Harry kind of doesn't think so, though.

“Well I'm done! One of you can be the fucking banker, I'm not playing anymore.” Liam shouts.

“Oh, what are you, twelve? 'I'm not playing with you guys anymore.'” Louis mocks in a voice that manages to sound like a child and Liam at the same time.

“ _You're_ calling _me_ childish?” Liam looks incredulous, and his voice just shot up an octave.

Harry begins tidying up the Monopoly board, Niall and Zayn help, and the three of them back away slowly, letting Louis and Liam have at it.

 

The second attempt is when, somehow, they've all gravitated to the living room. Niall's playing Candy Crush on his phone, Zayn's sat in the love seat with a book and a pencil on standby just in case there's a particularly profound line he wants to underline, Louis' sat at the Mac the house came with, on photobooth taking weird pictures (they all pretended not to notice when he took out his dick and tried different effects on it, it was very difficult, and the image of Louis' cock in his hand might be engrained in Harry's mind forever, however non-sexual the action was), and Liam is texting his sort of girlfriend, not girlfriend, friend who's a girl and really fit, Sophia.

“Hey, so guys-” He's cut off by Louis beginning to laugh hysterically.

“What?” Niall asks, perking up. He really does love to laugh. Louis is doubled over in laughter, and he raises a hand and points to the screen, or, rather, the wall behind the screen, but they get what he means.

They all gather around the computer, and it appears Louis has gone on one of those morphing sites and has morphed his penis and face together.

“I look like Squidward!” He practically wails, laughter leaping from his mouth.

“And _I'm_ twelve.” Liam mutters, going back to his phone. But Niall and Louis and Zayn play with the site, morphing with each other. They're too distracted now. Harry sighs and sits on the couch, looking at the dust swirling in a patch of sun.

 

Cooking class begins at 5:30, apparently, as Harry has just been pushed against his will into the kitchen and Louis has tied an apron (inside out) around Harry's middle before he could even blink.

“What're we making, chef?” Louis asks, with a solute. Harry racks his brain, nothing really coming to mind.

“Thought we'd start with the basics? You can't even make pasta, so maybe we should get you to learn that.” Harry suggests.

Louis huffs in indignation, “But that's _boring_ , it's just boiling and heating up sauce.”

“But the thing is you seem to be incapable of boiling.” Harry counters.

“Point.”

A few minutes later, Louis is stood over a pot of water.

“ _Curly_ ,” Louis whines, “it's not _doing_ anything.”

“A watched pot never boils.” Harry tuts, and somewhere in the living room Zayn snorts.

“You sound like my _mum_.” Louis groans, wrinkling his nose. Harry's insides drop- the absolute last thing he wants to be seen by Louis as is his mum. He wants to be seen as, for one, of the male gender (well, yeah sometimes he paints his nails but it just looks pretty), and two as someone Louis would like to stick his dick in. Louis' mother does not fit those criteria. Hopefully.

Liam walks in then, and blanches at the sight of Louis in the tiled room.

“What is he doing in here?” Liam asked fearfully. After the first night he'd put a strict “no Louis in the kitchen” ban in effect.

“Curly's teaching me how to cook.” Louis provides, “And something I've never known was how damn _long_ it takes water to boil. Why didn't we start out with warm water?” He's waving the wooden spoon around Harry had equipped him with. It hits Harry on the cheek bone and he flinches back, eye twitching. Liam walks out, an intelligent decision.

“Sorry!” Louis squeals through peals of laughter, and Harry wants to kiss him, tickle him, and ravage him all at the same time? He's a little confused.

He didn't know sexual frustration could be so strong after wanking only that morning, but Louis turns around to stare menacingly at the still lifeless pot of water, and- yeah, wow, that's an ass, no it's The Ass, the ass of all asses, the tushy to trump all tushies, the cheeks to chief all cheeks, the bum to bash all bums. But anyway.

Directly next to The Ass, however, is something far less beautiful.

“Louis, you _idiot_ , you didn't even turn the stove on!”

Finally, _finally_ , the water boils and Louis puts the pene in.

“Now stir it, so it doesn't stick to the pot.” Harry instructs, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.

“How do you stir?”

Harry blanches, mind blank, “How do you-? How-? _You don't know how to stir?_ ”

Louis' a bit transparent, as much as he'd like to think he's mysterious. His emotions are in his eyes like fish are in the Caribbean, darting every which way in all these different colors, and blatantly obvious. So something tells Harry that he's very cheekily lying when he says, “No, I think you should show me.”

Somewhere, Zayn snorts again.

“Stop eavesdropping you shit!” Louis shouts.

“Stop being earsplittingly loud!” Zayn counters.

“Point.” Louis and Harry say at the same time.

“Alright, I'll show you.” Harry concedes, taking the spoon from Louis, who looks confused. He swirls it around in the water.

“Ta-da! Now you try.” He hands him back the spoon. Louis looks at it, eyebrows pulled together.

“No, like, _show_ me.” He says.

“I did.” Harry's confused.

“No, you dumb ass, put your fucking arm around me like we're fucking bowling.” Louis huffs, cheeks burning a hazy pink and glowering at Harry from under pretty gossamer eyelashes.

Oh. “Oh.” Oh.

Zayn's laughing in the other room, but Harry can't really hear anything because his blood is rushing in his ears, his hand moving over Louis', arm lined up with his, chest pressed to his back, chin nearly resting on his shoulder.

So the pasta's over cooked and over stirred, it was worth it.

 

The show starts in five minutes, and Harry _still_ hasn't told them. His stomach is rolling, it's now or never.

Niall comes in with the last of the three bowls of popcorn. His cue.

“So, boys, I've been wanting-”

Louis hiccups and giggles, “Sorry, 'm'a bit tired.” He says sheepishly. Liam gestures to Harry to continue.

“So, like, with this upcoming episode-”

Louis hiccups.

Harry sighs.

“Sorry.” Louis smiles again.

“I just didn't want there to be any-”

“You know, mate, I'm super sorry but I really gotta piss, could you hold that thought?” Zayn says, and Harry's mouth gapes. Zayn leaves the room before Harry can reply.

“What were you going to say, Harry?” Niall asks.

“I need everyone here for it.” Harry says, worrying his lip with his teeth.

Louis hiccups.

And then the theme song starts- and it's all over. Louis has already implicated a strict no-talking rule, sure to be broken, but still.

“Zayn! It's on!” Louis shouts, and they hear Zayn rushing down the hallway. He flops down on the couch between Niall and Liam, and Harry just sighs in defeat. This is how it's gonna go.

It goes chronologically, except the red room things are clipped and inserted into the show when relevant. Like when Liam makes Louis cook dinner, it cuts to a clip of Liam ranting about it.

Louis hiccups.

There's only a bit of Monday, just showing them being friendly and Liam and Louis being tense and Zayn and Liam being distant. Then it gets to Tuesday- _the_ day, the day of The Blow Job Surprise.

Did Harry really suck Louis' cock after three days of knowing him?

Louis hiccups.

It goes through the morning, and them getting ready and Liam and Harry and Niall making fun of how long it takes Louis and Zayn to do their hair. Then it's them at the club, Niall and Barbara (from a distance with subtitles), Liam and some girl, Zayn and a girl and another guy, both grinding with her, Harry getting shitfaced with Niall (Louis hiccups), Louis chatting with some guys at the bar. Then it's Niall and Barbara and Louis helping Harry out to the car, and his useless babbling.

Niall looks at him.

He tries to leave to go to the bathroom or something but Louis pulls him down and cuddles him because he's 'fucking cold why are you so warm' and its all Harry can do to put his head in his hands and listen.

“God am I that loud when I'm drunk?'- Louis

“Jeez Niall nice one.”- Liam

“Shut up Liam.”- Louis

“….”-Zayn

“Hiccup.”- Louis.

“Harry you're so cute when you're drunk, all babbly.”- Louis

“Um, Lou?”- Niall

“Yeah Nia-? Oh.”

So then Harry looks up and he can see a blurred-out Louis' dick and Harry's head moving and everyone's looking at him and he can't think of anything better to do than say, “I like boys too, surprise.” It comes out as a croak. “I tried to tell you today, over Monopoly but that didn't go well.”

“Curly, of course it didn't fucking go well, Monopoly is the original home wrecker, long before adultery was ever invented.” Louis says, scoffing. Louis hiccups.

“That doesn't quite make sense.” Liam argues.

“You don't make sense!” Louis retaliates.

“ _Anyway_ , I'm really sorry about- about that, Louis. I'm quite- uh- touchy-feely when I'm drunk.” Harry says over a clip of Niall from the red room talking about it.

“It's alright, Harry, honestly, and I guess this is a good a time as any to tell you all I'm gay.” He shrugs, “So are you like, bi?”

Harry shakes his head, “People are people. Doesn't matter what parts they've got. So pansexual, you could say.”

“I'm bi.” Zayn offers, raising a tentative hand. Louis hiccups.

“I'd miss boobs too much, but I've seen Tommo's ass and I get the appeal.” Niall says. Louis grins and fist bumps him, making a ridiculous sounding “Yeahhh!”

Liam's eyes are wide, and Harry giggles to himself, because isn't this how some porn videos start? The straight guy who'd never even thought about other boys that way, and the four peer-pressuring other dudes?

Louis hiccups.

 

~Day 9 – Niall~

 

Niall sits down in the plush chair in front of the table which is also in front of a camera. There's a piece of paper taped there.

_Niall:_

_Tell us about any women you've noticed specifically._

_Romances within the house?_

_Domestics?_

_Best friend so far?_

_Drama?_

 

He smiles a little. Should he consider The Blowjob Surprise a romance? The tension that no one but him seems to read correctly between Zayn and Liam?

He'll talk about Lou and Harry, but he's gonna let Zayn and Liam figure it out themselves, unless it gets too close to the end and he has to physically force them to bone. He'd prefer not to, but if he has to he will.

“Hey guys! Nialler here, I just wanna give a massive thank you! We heard the premiere last night got a boat load of views, so thanks!

“But anyway, I've been told to talk about women.” He wriggles his eyebrows and laughs, “So like I met this girl Barbara and she's _Hungarian_ which is hotter than I ever thought it would be, the accents got a bit difficult but like we were drunkish too? So I don't know if that will be a problem. But there is a problem because I'm too scared to text her! She was so, like, _wow_? Like, wow. Yeah. But maybe I'll text her today. Dunno” He scratches the back of his neck and looks at the paper. He kind of wants to talk about Gemma- how disinterested in him she seemed which just made him more interested in her, but if Barbara's watching that probably would be a bit upsetting. And Harry might punch him. Kid wouldn't hurt a fly, unless it thought about fucking his sister.

He decides to move on, “So then this little piece o' paper here tells me to talk about blooming romances within the house, and of course the most obvious comes to mind. Louis and Harry, honestly they're _disgusting_ and _oblivious._ Like yesterday they were making pasta and- you know what you're gonna see it, why do I have to go through the mushy details? But like it's obvious they like each other but they don't know the other one likes them? Well, I mean, now they might since Louis knows about The Blowjob Surprise now. He took it better than I woulda.

“But Liam's reaction to all o' them comin' out! Man that was funny. He just looked so like 'Ah!' and they were all like 'ahhhhhh...' it was great. Yeah, he's a lad though.

“And it wants to know my best friend, but like honestly I don't have one. I love them all, Louis is funny as fuck and Harry is a goof and Zayn is really weird, like good weird, when you get to know him and he's really interesting, and Liam is such a lad like he's great, he doesn't show it enough though, like Louis just makes him more sensible than he really is.

“And there hasn't really been much drama, either, I'm expecting a spice up sometime soon to stop us from getting boring. Like Louis and Liam and fighting and Zayn and Liam tension. Jeez, Liam's problematic.

“But I just really love being here and I have four new best mates 'cause of it so just thanks for watching us be weirdos! Love ya!”

Then he realizes he forgot to hit the record button.

 

~Day 10 – Zayn~

 

For the outing day Harry, Liam, Louis, and Niall out vote Zayn to go bowling. That's not really Zayn's thing, like, _moving_ and bright lights and _children screaming_ everywhere and cheery pop music. And because he's going to have to watch Harry and Louis be sickeningly platonic and probably barf all over the rainbow space themed carpet.

But, like, it's kind of okay because he and Liam somehow got on a team together (Niall called being alone, and he winked at Zayn, which was weird? But okay.) and they're talking and Liam laughs when Zayn says sarcastic, self-deprecating, other-people-deprecating, and dumb things. And Zayn can't help but laugh with him, and at Liam's own jokes. It's nice, how easy they could be friends if Liam would just let him in.

Louis gets a strike and he and Harry do some ritual thing they got from some ancient episode of some cartoon, from his and Liam's position at the table, (where they retreated when it became mathematically impossible for them to win) it kind of sounds like they're screaming, “All hail the magic conch!” But, like, is that even english? So probably not.

“They're literally the biggest idiots.” Liam says, watching them chest bump and then both double over in pain, Harry's flyaway elbows knocking into Louis and Louis' hard jaw hitting Harry in the throat.

“They're going to fall in love.” Zayn says, and it sounds more fond (and maybe wistful?) than he wanted it to, and he realizes he's not even looking at Louis and Harry, but at Liam.

“You think?” Liam asks, looking back at Zayn. Zayn tries not to notice how Liam's eyes roam over his face and pause on his eyelashes, looking like he's counting them, and stutter over his lips and trail down the line of his nose like a finger. Tries, really. Hard, it's a Herculean effort, it is.

Zayn wrenches his own gaze away and stuffs three more curly fries in his mouth, trying to occupy it with things that aren't kissing, like it so desperately craves. He's so _horny_ , is what it is. It's because he can't have something, he wants it, like he won't wank again because he's too afraid that someone's gonna walk in on him. Well, he knows he can't make it the whole remaining nine weeks, but still. For as long as possible. It's only been a few days, but he feels like it's been _years_ , he just wants a proper shag. A proper kiss, from full, pouted pink lips.

“So, like, you're bi?” Liam says, and the question startles Zayn, but, being himself, he doesn't show it.

“Yeah.” _Intelligent answer, really Zayn, wow so profound._ He mocks himself.

“How's that work? Like Harry said he was pansexual, but he likes both, what's the difference?”

Zayn thinks for a moment, “Pansexuals really just like people, they don't see gender, really. Bisexuals sometimes have a preference.”

“Do you?” Liam asks.

Zayn nods.

“What is it, if you don't mind my asking?”

“I've always been an ass man, myself, if that answers your question.” Zayn says slyly.

Liam swallows, and Zayn watches the bob of his Adam's apple. What he'd give to press bruises into someone's neck right now. “'T'does.” Liam answers, and then Niall comes stomping over to them, fuming about how Louis and Harry ' totally fucking cheated'.

Louis proposes another game, and they go for it, but about half way through (just when he and Liam were winning, go figure) Louis runs down the lane and knocks over the last pin manually, and of course Harry follows, like a cute, lovesick, curly, floppy puppy and they get kicked out.

“Lads, that was so much fun!” Louis boasts, walking with his arm slung around Harry's shoulders. The angle looks uncomfortable because of the height difference, but neither of them seem to mind.

“It was.” Zayn agrees. They're walking back to the house because it's only a ten minute walk, and the camera crew said it might be interesting footage. And Harry might not be drunk, but a repeat of the last time they were in a car wouldn't be welcome.

“Hey, Z, you got any smokes?” Louis asks, pulling away from Harry and catching up with Zayn. Zayn nods, fishing in his pocket, and pulls out the box. Louis plucks one out, then after a hesitation, two.

“Hazza, you wanna try?” Louis asks. Zayn's already lighting the one in his mouth and pulling the smoke into his mouth, letting it lie heavy on his tongue and in his lungs, like sleep. Harry shrugs and reaches for it, then puts the wrong end in his mouth.

“You dummy.” Louis says with this _tone_ in his voice that just- it makes Zayn want a Louis, want someone to call him a dummy like that, and then pulls the cigarette from Harry's lips and his from his own, and switches them around, fitting the cigarette that had previously been in his mouth between Harry's lips.

Something about how Harry's eyes widen and Louis' mouth quirks up makes Zayn have to look away, like he's watching something private.

He takes another drag of his own cig, and blows smoke rings, and maybe he's showing off a little. But then he hears coughing, which is to be expected the first time someone smokes, but followed by wheezing and a lack of coughing that sounds very, very scary.

He turns around and the cigarette has dropped from Harry's mouth, and his fingers are scrabbling at his jeans, trying to get into his pocket. Louis is frozen, eyes wide, and Liam's rushing toward Harry. Finally Harry pulls out an inhaler and fits his mouth around it.

A few shaky, tense moments pass until Harry croaks, “So smoking triggers asthma.”

Louis launches himself at Harry, wrapping himself around him like a monkey and screaming apologies and fawning over him, making sure not a curl on his head was hurt.

Again, Zayn, Liam, and Niall turn away because the moment feels so intimate.

Zayn's going to start taking bets for when they get together.

 

And it's that night, when he wakes up at 3 AM after a dream of beautiful eyes and pretty, pouty lips, that he realizes.

 

~Day 11 – Louis~

 

He would have knocked, really, but he was carrying toast and eggs and bacon and tea and how was he supposed to know that Harry was going to sleep naked again? And not be under the covers? And have morning wood?

But Harry was still snuffling softly into his pillow, and so Louis scuttled into the room and set the breakfast down on his bedside table. He rips a piece of mostly blank paper out of a newspaper (what nerd reads the newspaper?) and finds a pen. He tries to block the moans that are escaping Harry's lips in his sleep, but it's terribly hard. Everything's terribly hard. God, Louis is so horny. Everyone's horny and sexually frustrated and everyone's snapping at each other. It doesn't help that they've all been scared into celibacy because of the Zayn and Liam incident.

He made Harry the breakfast to apologize for almost killing him last night, and if Harry were awake he'd tell him that, but he's not and so the note will have to suffice.

Louis turns around and places the note on the breakfast, just in time for Harry to let out a muffled moan and the tip of his dick to blurt precome and then smudge it into the tan skin of his stomach.

Louis' never run out of a room so fast in his life.

He goes straight to the bathroom, to take an entirely unnecessary shower so he can wank, only to see a note on the shower door.

_Due to a plumbing issue, we ask that you refrain from masturbating in the showers/toilets/sinks. All drains._

And he doesn't mean to, really, but he's so desperate, that he lets out an overly dramatic wail of, “ _Noooo!”_

Suddenly Niall and Zayn and Liam are rushing in, asking if he's okay, and then bursting into laughter at his horrified expression.

A yawning Harry comes toddling in, “What's the ruckus?” He sees the note and comes closer to read it, scratching his side. Louis' eyes flick down and he can see that Harry's still hard under his briefs. Fuck.

“Shit.” Harry mutters.

“Everyone's washing their own socks.” Niall says.

 

The day was pretty mundane. Once he got his boner to finally go down, he got dressed and emerged from his room only to be plowed back into it by Harry, who's somehow tied his extensive limbs around Louis so he's not touching the ground at all.

“Thank you for my breakfast in bed Louis! Thank you thank you thank you! I'm sorry I had an asthma attack and scared you!” He sounded like a little boy, and Louis'd had a hard time figuring out how this boy was the same one with the leaking dick from twenty minutes prior.

He played FIFA with Niall and Liam (and Harry but it honestly shouldn't have counted he was so bad.) He and Liam actually weren't at each other's throats, which was great. And he smoked with Zayn, which revealed some very interesting information.

They'd been sitting at the small, round table on the balcony, taking slow drags of smoke in a comfortable silence, and Zayn just broke it, shattered it, honestly.

“So I think I like Liam.”

Louis choked, and Zayn snubbed out his cigarette and went inside.

And now, it's somewhere between dusk and dawn with a black sky and a sliver moon, some ungodly hour, and everyone's gone to bed but Louis and Harry. The TV screen had gone blue a long time ago, but both of them were so tired that they didn't bother to turn it off.

“Zayn told me he liked Liam today.”

“Liam's a nice guy.” Harry's voice is slurred and tired and deeper and slower, somehow.

“No, like, _like_.”

“Ah, _like_ , I know it well.”

“How shall we get them together?” Louis asks, after a pause in which he sluggishly wondered what Harry meant.

Harry takes too long to answer, and Louis starts to drift off, and then in a voice barely above a whisper and barely even coherent, he hears Harry murmur, “Cooking lessons.” But maybe he didn't, maybe he's hearing things or dreaming, because all of a sudden he's plunged into sleep with Harry's arms around him and his face nuzzled into his neck.

 

~Day 12 – Liam~

 

Liam was the first one up that morning, and he walked into the living room to see Louis and Harry curled around each other in the most intricate way he'd ever seen people tangle. One of Louis' arms was up Harry's shirt, his fingers poking out of the neck hole. Harry's entire leg is pushed between Louis', his ankle and foot dangling off the couch, and Louis' toes are curled around Harry's other foot, kneading in his sleep. Both of Harry's arms are wrapped tightly around Louis' middle, and there's a curl stuck in the drool leaking from the corner of Louis' mouth. Even their snores are twining, when Harry breathes out Louis breathes in in a constant lilting rhythm.

There's cameras milling about them, some flicking up to Liam, because this is _Larry Stylinson_ , as the viewers have dubbed it. Liam read the article online before he made his legs carry him out of bed this morning, there was something about Ziam and Lilo in there, but the fan written article was mainly about the two cuddle buddies Liam's looking at now. And besides- _no_ , Ziam and _especially_ Lilo are not things.

The TV is still on and fluorescent blue, and Liam quietly turns it off. He wants to let them sleep but he also wants to show Niall and Zayn, because this is fucking cute, if he's honest.

He walks quietly through the living room and then down the hall where Zayn and Niall's room are. He knocks on the first door, and after a groan and a bit of scuffling noises, Zayn opens the door. He's wearing nothing but his boxers, but it doesn't phase Liam. Really, it doesn't.

“What?” He says, voice groggy from sleep.

“Go look at the lovebirds in the living room.” Liam says, motioning with his head in the direction of the room.

Niall opens his door then, in a sweatshirt and sweat pants and looking like he's been awake for hours, “What are they doing? Did they kiss? Are they together?” He sounds too excited, but Niall's really a closet romantic.

Liam just motions for them to follow and shows them the scene on the couch, which in his absence has gotten even cuter: Harry's shifted his head so his chin rests in Louis' hair, and Louis' nose is bent into Harry's collar bones.

Niall lets out a squeal then, and it's all over. Both of their eyelids flutter, and then open. Louis groans and squints at the light, and seemingly subconsciously buries his face deeper into Harry's neck. Harry seems to be completely aware, though, and a slow, blissful smile spreads on his lips. Louis starts snuffling again.

“Go away.” Harry murmurs, obviously directed at Liam, Zayn and Niall, not the boy who's forehead he's just kissed.

“Disgusting, you are.” Niall says fondly, and then walks into the kitchen.

The smell of bacon eventually entices them from the couch, Louis stumbling over his own feet and rubbing his eyes and Harry looking at him like he's a galaxy.

Liam wonders if anyone's ever looked at him like that, if anyone ever will. He wants someone to, and he wants to look at them like that, and he wonders what it feels like, if it feels like rain or sun, like winter or summer, if it's soft and smooth or hard and burning through Harry's brain like pain- the only thing he can think about.

Not that he knows what it feels like, that it's like the sun inserting itself into the folds of his brain and lighting his thoughts on fire, because he doesn't.

 

The girls arrive at eight o'clock with tequila and announce they're playing truth or dare and that there's no ifs ands or buts about it. Liam and Harry pushed the coffee table to one end of the room and then they all sat in a circle, with the tequila and glasses and a bowl of Doritos in the middle.

“So who's first?” Harry asks after a drink.

“You, since you asked.” Jesy answers, “It's the rules.”

“I've never heard that rule.” Harry pouts, “ I don't have any ideas.”

“Just go, Harry.” Niall urges. Harry huffs and then turns to Louis, “Louis, truth or dare?”

“Dare, of course.” Louis answers.

Harry looks upset, like he doesn't know what to do now. After a minute of thought he finally says, “I dare you to put peanut butter in your belly button and leave it there until you go to bed.”

Louis rolls his eyes, “Curly, what are you, twelve?” He gets up and goes toward the kitchen anyway.

“I would hope a twelve year old wouldn't get drunk and suck your dick.” Jesy laughs into her hand. Harry shoots daggers at her, “My sister is sitting right next to you.”

“Yeah, and your sister _watched_ you suck his dick on national television. Your _mother_ watched.” Gemma shoots back, “And it's not like you have to protect me, I've probably sucked more than you.”

Both Harry and Niall choke.

Liam laughs into his hand, glad his mother didn't have to watch him doing anything. Yet.

Louis comes back from the kitchen with a jar of peanut butter. He sits back down and lifts up his shirt, scoops some onto his finger, and then jams it into his belly button.

“Alrighty then,” he says, “Jade, truth or dare?”

She says dare and Louis makes her sit for the rest of her game without a shirt on, just her bra. Liam's having some difficulty focusing.

“Jade,” She says to herself, “Truth or dare? Truth. Okay, does Perrie fancy Zayn and want to have sex with him desperately and think he's the hottest person alive? Yes she does.” She grins, looking satisfied with herself. Liam's pulse has raised considerably, and it's because she's shirtless, nothing else, not because of what she said, it's _not_.

He gets really drunk, trying to forget what Zayn looks like when he blushes.

“Liam, truth or dare?” Louis asks.

“Truth.” He answers, trying to figure out where Louis' sitting. He still has the peanut butter in his belly button, but now he has Jesy's pink thong on his head and red lipstick around his mouth.

“Would you go gay for Zayn?”

Liam doesn't think about his answer, “Yeah, have you seen him?”

Zayn blushes again, and maybe it's darker this time and Liam's not even going to pretend he didn't notice.

They move on, Leigh-Anne and Perrie get dared to make out and Liam forgets all about Zayn, enraptured with the semi-nude (Harry's wearing Perrie's mini skirt and Liam somehow ended up in Leigh's crop top, but he doesn't remember that) girls kissing in front of him.

Niall gets dared to kiss Zayn and he doesn't hesitate, reaching across the circle and giving Zayn a big wet smack on the mouth. Everyone laughs when Zayn wipes off his lips.

Zayn admits he's already dirtied a sock since the discovery of the note yesterday as his truth, and then he turns to Liam.

“Liam, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Liam answers after swallowing more alcohol.

“I dare you to watch gay porn until you get a boner.” Zayn says without missing a beat. Louis laughs and Harry giggles, like they know a secret.

“Alright.” Liam shrugs. Zayn grins and gets up and finds his laptop and headphones, which he'd had earlier before the girls came over. He sits back down next to Liam and Liam watches him open the folder labeled “favorites” and browse through the videos he's saved there. Liam's not judging, everyone has a porn folder. He finds one of the more recently saved ones and clicks play, fitting the headphones onto Liam's head.

“Have fun.” He grins, and goes back to sitting next to Perrie. Jesy scoots over to look over Liam's shoulder.

The video opens with a large, muscular boy and a slighter, dark haired boy kissing and naked on a pristine white bed. They're already hard, just kissing and grinding lazily against each other. The game of Truth or Dare continues around Liam, but he's not sure what's happening, because the dark haired one is telling the bigger one to lie on his back and fitting pillows under him. And then- oh lord- and the the dark haired one's mouth is between the other's legs, licking one stripe up his dick, but then going down farther and licking his hole.

“Look at his face!” Louis crows, “Zayn what is he watching?”

“They've probably just started rimming.” Zayn answers, and Harry high fives him. Gemma wrinkles her nose, and looks at her brother. Harry notices and blushes.

The bigger boy lets out a moan, at the same time Jesy does.

“Jesy?” Perrie questions, laughing.

“It's the same as boys liking lesbian porn, alright?” She defends herself, and Liam would laugh but the boy with the pillows under him is pulling his legs up and trying to squirm, but the dark haired one is holding him down, licking into him.

They stop, and the dark haired one slicks up his fingers with lube and slides one finger into the other boy. Jesy wrenches herself away, looking flustered.

The dark haired boy slides in a second finger, and the other boy looks slightly uncomfortable, but then the dark haired boy's muscles in his hand and arm move like he's done something with his fingers and the other one cries out, fingers clenching in the sheets and precome leaking from the head of his dick.

Liam can feel himself hardening in his sweatpants, but he knows it's not visible yet and he like... doesn't... want... to... stop... watching?

Liam realizes his mouth has opened a little and Zayn's watching him intently. He closes his mouth and tries to look as unfazed as possible, and when he looks back three fingers are now buried in the boy.

And then he's begging, telling the other boy that he's so ready and to please just fuck him, and so the boy pulls his fingers out and Liam watches in fascination mixed horror as the bigger boy's hole clenches around nothing, like his whole body is begging to be fucked.

“Are butt holes supposed to get that big?” Liam doesn't realize he's said it out loud until everyone's laughing. It's like an abyss, and he's not sure how he feels about it.

But then the other boy's slicked-up and condomed dick is sliding slowly into it, and he doesn't care anymore. The bottom boy arches up into it, eyes fluttering shut and fingers brushing the dark haired boy's shoulders, like his mind doesn't remember how to control his fingers and all he can think about is the pleasure.

It's when after only five perfectly angled thrusts that the boy comes completely untouched, he slams the laptop closed.

“I'm done.” Liam croaks, handing the computer to Zayn.

“Enjoy that, did you?” Louis teases, and Liam covers his crotch as best he can. His dick is achingly hard, and he just needs to get his hand around it.

Zayn smirks at him, looking smug and satisfied.

“I'm just going to, um, bathroom. Yeah.” He stutters, and stands up as quickly as he can before fast walking to the bathroom.

 

When he comes back, legs still a bit unsteady, the girls have left and Niall's missing. Harry and Louis are asleep upright, balancing against each other somehow. Zayn's bent over, picking up the Dorito bowl, and Liam can't help but look at his butt and wonder if it's experienced the things in that video. But something about Zayn makes Liam think he'd be the one doing it to the other person, making them moan his name and- shit, stop.

“Have fun in there?” He smirks, and Liam's kind of, like, angry? No, he _is_ angry, he's really mad and he's _confused_ and he hates it. 

So somehow he's pushed Zayn up against the wall.

“I don't know what you're trying to get at, Malik, but I don't like it. I thought we could be friends, and then you go and pull shit like this. _Stop it_.” His teeth are clenched and his blood is pounding. Zayn's eyes look steadily into his for a moment, and then Liam is suddenly flipped around and slammed into the wall. They're in the same exact position, just reverse, Zayn holding him to the green paint. Liam can feel his own finger nails digging into his palm through the fabric of Zayn's shirt, and his pulse under the pads of his fingers and through the skin of his hand. There's a good ten seconds of staring each other down, before Zayn leans down close. Liam freezes. He can feel Zayn's breath on his lips. An inch of movement and they'd be kissing. He can hear cameras whirring, but he doesn't care, and maybe it's his pulse. 

“I don't know what you mean, 'trying to get at'. I got it. I got your cock hard and leaking in your pants, I made you think about me touching you in places you didn't know you ever wanted to be touched, and right now, this very second, I'm making you think about kissing me, am I not?”

Liam doesn't answer.

“Answer me.” Zayn growls, pulling back slightly and slamming Liam forward into the wall again.

“No, you're not.” Liam lies.

“Don't lie to me, you know liars are naughty, and you know what happens to naughty people?”

Liam stays silent, holding his breath. Zayn leans in closer, so his breath his hot and humid against Liam's ear, and so imperceptibly he might not have even said it, Liam hears, “They get punished.”

Zayn pulls away then, letting go of Liam.

“You wanted to kiss me, just now. You did.” He insists, and then walks into his room, closing the door loudly.

“Holy shit.” He hears Harry say behind him, and then Louis give a few slow claps, “That was hot as fuck.”

He flips them off and stomps into his room, more confused than anything else.

 

~Day 13 – Harry~

 

Harry sits down in front of the camera and makes sure he presses record, he remembers Niall ranting and raving about how he forgot on Monday. But today's Friday and it's a free red room day. He doesn't plan on talking much, no one has and he's last, because everyone has a hang over.

He talks a bit about last night, and Zayn and Liam, and how awkward it is having Gemma and Louis in the same room, because of The Blowjob Surprise. How today Zayn and Liam won't speak to each other, and how Niall went wide eyed and slack jawed when he and Louis told him what happened.

He taught Louis how to make scrambled eggs today, and after this they're going to bake a cake, and he talks about how he really likes the cooking lessons and how he really likes Louis- figuring if it's aired and Louis hasn't figured it out yet it's a lost cause.

It's weird to him how the second week is almost up, and in eight they'll go back to being strangers.

He really doesn't want them to.

“So yeah, that's it! Bye guys!” Harry knows the whole thing isn't aired so that's just more editing for the show to do, but it's only polite.

He presses the button again and the little red light goes out. He takes a deep breath, and stands up. Louis' waiting outside the door for him, and there's a small smile on his lips that makes Harry think he heard. But it doesn't matter, Harry has plans for today.

He's kissing Louis tonight.

He's fed up with the pining, it's boring and it's icky. Kissing is super fun and super not icky. He's kissing Louis, yup, no ifs ands or buts about it. Hell, Zayn and Liam have gotten closer to it, and that's just not right.

He has a whole plan and everything, thought of it yesterday while they played Truth or Dare. He and Louis always stay up past the other boys, so why would tonight be any different? So when Louis gets tired, he'll offer to walk him to his room which Louis will find hopelessly endearing, and then he's just going to lean in and do it, smack on the mouth.

It's not intricate or anything, but it's nice. Simple. Not too nerve wracking.

(It's so nerve wracking.)

“Ready, sweetums?” Louis asks, linking his arm with Harry's.

“Only if you promise not to burn the house down.” Harry answers, walking with him toward the kitchen.

“I won't make promises I can't keep.” Louis informs him matter-of-factly.

“Reassuring, really.” Harry dead pans. Louis just shoots him an impish grin and unlinks their arms, skipping into the kitchen. When a much-slower Harry reaches the kitchen, Louis already has his apron on and he has to wrap it around twice and tie it in the front. (“Harry it's giiiirly” followed by a pouty face, “it's Vera Bradley, wear it with pride.”) He's also fashioned a chef's hat from printer paper, probably got Niall to fit it to his head and then tape it.

Harry breaks into a fond grin when he sees him.

“Ugh, get away from me.” Zayn grumbles, taking his left over bowl of lo mein elsewhere. Harry hadn't even noticed him, but it's just as well that he's gone now.

“Ready?” Harry asks.

“Ay ay, Cap'n!” Louis gives a little solute and Harry thinks, _screw the plan, I want to kiss the stupid smile off your face,_ but a plan is a plan and he's always been one for organization. 

“A good chef always gathers his ingredients first and foremost.” Harry leans against the counter and Louis scrambles into action, taking out the Betty Crocker red velvet cake mix.

“...And?” Harry prompts, then laughs at Louis' panicked expression.

“There's more?”

“Look on the back.”

“You mean the eggs aren't in it?”

Harry buries his face in his hands, “Didn't you ever bake with your mom?”

“Well, yeah, but like she always did this. I just turned on the mixer and licked my fingers.” Louis' cheeks are burning a rosy pink, and again Harry wants desperately to forgo the plan.

“You're lucky you're pretty.” Harry grumbles, pulls out measuring cups from the cabinet behind him and starts measuring the water and the oil. He thinks he hears Louis make some sort of noise at that, but he's not sure.

Eventually the cake is in the oven with minimal catastrophes, limited to Louis trying to double dip and keep a shit load of batter in the bowl that he could lick.

“How long is this going to _take_.” Louis groans, though Harry's told him six times. “I'm going to nap.” Louis says decidedly, sitting right down on the kitchen tile floor and then laying on his side. Harry shakes his head and chuckles at the smaller boy.

“Don't just stand there and look cute, cuddle me you ass.” Louis grumbles, making grabby motions with his hands. Harry rolls his eyes, putting on a nonchalant front, when inside he's blushing and squealing and fonding all over everything, because curled up like this, Louis barely takes up four of the kitchen tiles and his hair has fluffed onto the floor and he's so _small_ and _cute_ and Harry's having heart palpitations, maybe. 

So he does cuddle him, and they doze until the timer goes off, and then everything veers off track and Harry's plan is dumped into a ditch.

Louis reaches in the oven to take the cake out _and forgets oven mitts._

“Louis wait!” Harry says, but it's too late then, and Louis' jumping back with a shout and shoving his fingertips under the sink. Harry rushes over and turns on the cold water. He takes Louis' hands in his own and inspects the damage while they run under the water. It looks like only the tips of his fingers touched anything, he'll live.

“That was really dumb.” Harry informs him.

“I'm in pain, now is not the time, Harold.” Louis grumbles.

“If you don't want me to call you dumb you should refrain from doing dumb things.” Harry argues, smiling stupidly. He turns off the water and carefully dries Louis' hands with a dish towel.

“Now let me see.” He mutters, turning Louis' hands over and holding his wrists. His fingertips look red and irritated and, well, burned, but it could be worse.

“Kiss them better.” Louis pushes out his bottom lip in a pout, and so Harry does.

But he mis-aims.

And it really was an accident, honest to god, but Harry was looking at Louis' pouty mouth and heard the word kiss and his brain just got all scrambled, and so now with Louis' wrists still wrapped in Harry's own fingers, Harry's ducked down and interlocked their lips, pulling Louis' bottom one into his mouth.

Louis gives a little satisfied sigh and relaxes against Harry's mouth, lips pliable and soft, yet slightly chapped, and his tongue running lightly against the line of Harry's top lip. Harry opens his mouth, and plan? what plan?, and Louis' tongue is licking into his mouth like he's trying to pull the air from Harry's lungs.

And this is what it is, it's that song that you can't help but dance to, it's that feeling when you're standing in the moonlight and you think everything's changing all at once, it's that moment after a crying fit when you realize you don't want to die and you're alive and it's the single best thing that's ever happened to you, it's happiness, is what it is.

Louis pulls away, lips slick and red and swollen, and the only thing Harry is capable of thinking about is when is the next time he'll get to kiss them.

“Not what I meant.” Louis says between breaths, “But I much preferred that.”

Harry let's go of his wrists then, fingers finding hold in Louis' waist and pulling their mouths together again.

 

Niall finds them a half an hour later, sunk to the floor with their legs entangled in variations of criss-cross positions, hands fisted loosely in hair, in shirts, and connected at the mouth and with tangled tongues.

He mutters a “finally”, grabs a yogurt, and leaves the kitchen.

They can hear him bellowing to Zayn and Liam about it, but they can't be bothered to use their mouths to tell him off.

 

~Day 14 – Zayn~

 

Liam really won't talk to him now, which he really should have expected. But he was drunk and horny and maybe when he's drunk and horny he gets a bit kinky and dominant but Liam is so hot- and the video he showed him- he's been watching it for the past four days, because it looks like them, Liam, the big muscular bottom, and Zayn as the dark haired top. That's why he showed it to him.

And now Louis and Harry are an official thing, _not that it wasn't official before,_ he thinks bitterly. And they're drowning everything in love and rainbows and bunnies and fucking _drool_ from their _kissing_ , it's everywhere and they won't fucking _stop_.

So maybe Zayn's a little bitter, a little lonely.

And maybe he could get Perrie at the drop of a text, but.

He's really not into girls, at the moment.

Or boys really.

Boys who aren't named Liam with pretty brown eyes and full rosy lips and scruff on their jaws, that is.

So, yeah, he has a massive fucking crush on a boy who is very straight, but Zayn's been known to turn some people. He has his ways, and if it goes wrong then at least it gets good views for the show, then.

And speaking of views for the show, there's someone who works for it standing in the living room, and Liam is shouting at him but he's not sure why.

And then he remembers why his thoughts had gone on a Liam rampage- it's been announced that for a spice-up for the up coming weeks they will be sharing a room. Louis and Harry together, Niall alone, and Zayn and Liam together.

“Liam, I know you're unhappy, but this is how the show is going and no one's going to change it, no matter what you threaten me with.” The man says calmly. Liam huffs, face red, and sits back down on the couch between Niall and Harry.

Harry and Louis of course are looking at each other like kids in a candy store (there's that slight bit of nervousness in there, like, _what if I get a tummy-ache?_ Which in this situation would translate to _what if we get in a fight? When are we going to have sex?_ )

The man then says his goodbyes, and promptly leaves.

“Well this is shit.” Liam grumbles. Niall shrugs, none of this affects him.

“I talk in my sleep, sorry Harold.” Louis says, Harry smiles and shrugs, “It'll probably be cute.”

Zayn wants to vomit, whether it's from their disgusting displays of unadulterated and unrestrained affection or from nerves, because it's already 8 o'clock at night now, and he's probably going to get tired soon.

And he didn't bring pajamas.

Shit.

He ends up staying up til 4 AM, practically falling asleep in the love seat, with Liam looking the same way across the room. It's dark in the living room, everyone's gone to bed except for them, though he can still hear Louis and Harry giggling in the other room. He'd gone in to see what they were doing around one o'clock, and they were under the sheets with a flashlight, Harry's iPod, and Louis was reading Harry a book of poetry, which was- yeah, okay, apparently Louis likes poetry, who knew. Don't judge a book by it's cover and all. But now they're giggling and it's only making Zayn tireder, but it seems he an Liam are in some unspoken stand off- who can hold out the longest.

It's decidedly not Zayn, because, “Well, this is bullshit, we have to go to sleep at some point and that point is now, for me. Good night.”

He stomps out of the room and into Liam's where his things were moved, and realizes there's only one bed.

Only.

One.

Bed.

It's made perfectly, the people who moved his stuff might have done it, but Liam being Liam it really could have been him. But there's a book, a glass of water, and a phone charger on one side, so that's the side Liam obviously slept in.

Just to piss him off, after Zayn strips down to his briefs, he crawls under the covers on Liam's side.

Just to piss him off, that's _all._

It is most definitely not because his pillow smells like Liam's shampoo. It is _not_. Nope.

 

He's still awake when Liam stumbles in at 6 AM, the sky is striped with pink and Zayn's been staring at it, making analogies for the color. It's like flower petals or butterflies or flushed cheeks or flushed cocks or post-sex lips or Liam's lips _all the damn time_ , and then he'd have to start over but he always ended up right back there.

“Fucking ass buggering wanker tit.” Liam grumbles, “Sleeping on my side of the fucking bed piece of fucking shit.”

“Good morning to you too.” Zayn says, or, tries, rather, it comes out as more of a sigh.

“Shut up you bitchtit.”

“Leeyum's got a potty mouth.” Zayn singsongs (again, tries.)

Through cracked eyelids, Zayn watches Liam strip down to his underwear and then climb into bed.

“I'm going to sleep.” He states, and that he does, not even a full minute later, soft, snuffling snores come from his new side of the bed.

Zayn follows soon after, thoughts turning to dreams about the flushed pink of the early sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is almost longer than my longest one shot wow
> 
> kudos/comments and the like really make me very happy!!
> 
> drop by my tumblr youremylad.tumblr.com or my twitter @zerrries to say hello or yell at me to write!!

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you think in the comments!!  
> my tumblr is youremylad.tumblr.com  
> my twitter is @zerrries  
> come talk to me in either place, I love talking to people!


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